


Nothing is Perfect

by AlexaNDYE



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexaNDYE/pseuds/AlexaNDYE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing can prepare a person for the downsides of pregnancy. Tony thinks that he's ready and fully prepared for whatever happens, but a miscarriage, something he and Pepper didn't think would happen, proves him wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing is Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Margot (sexydowney).  
> I'm so mean...

Champagne was showered and poured into a myriad of glasses; laughter and happiness was shared throughout the room, along with the yellow liquid of celebration. Everyone had a glass in their hand, except Pepper, the reason for their celebrating.

Nat cleared her throat and raised her glass. She looked at Pepper and Tony, who sat on the couch together, and widened her smile. Tony had his arm around Pepper, securely and protectively. It was all too much for Nat at the time, because who would’ve thought that _those_ two would be the first ones to announce it.

“A toast to the happy couple.” The red head tipped her head towards the two. “May your child be as smart as the mother and not as idiotic as the father.”

Tony’s smile faded. “Hey!”

Everyone in the room laughed.

“I can drink to that,” Clint laughed as he took a sip of his drink. He leaned against the arm of the couch and turned to Pepper. “You two think of any baby names yet?”

“Well, we have to know the sex first, Bird Brain.” Tony narrowed his eyes at the archer.

“I know that.” He rolled his eyes. Pepper’s hand whacked Tony in the chest, and Tony stared at her with a look. “It’s good to have a few names in mind.”

“Well,” Pepper gazed up at Tony and squeezed his thigh with her hand. “We were thinking about Maria, if it was a girl.”

“And Aiden if it was a boy.” Tony finished.

“Or,” Nat started. “You could consider Natasha.” Steve laughed and took a sip of his drink.

“And Clint isn’t a bad name either.” Clint shrugged.

Tony rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink. “All I’m asking is that you guys don’t teach him how to be an assassin when we ask you to babysit.” He darted his gaze at Steve. “And no Frisbee tossing.” He then turned his attention to Rhodey. “And no machine guns.”

Steve and Rhodey both smirked.

“I shall teach the youngling the Ancient tales of Asgardian monsters and how to fight such monstrous beasts with one fist and a sword.” Thor held up his fist as his lips curved into a triumphant smile.

Everyone else in the room couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay,” Tony pointed at Thor and deadpanned. “You’re definitely not touching our baby.”

“Tony,” Pepper scolded him.

“What? I don’t want our kid to think a frost giant is sleeping under his bed.”

“Or _her_ bed.” Pepper corrected him, and all Tony could do was beam. They’ve done that before, the accidental use of gender in their sentences. In all honesty, they couldn’t care less about the gender of their baby or its intentions of an occupation, because all it comes down to is happiness – all they care about is their child’s happiness.

But, all that happiness, laughter, celebration, the hugs and the toasts – all of it was never meant to last. Tony read up on pregnancy stages, making sure he was prepared for anything and everything. He was methodical when he thought about the morning sickness and the odd late night cravings. He looked up hospitals, made sure their rooms were big and their medical procedures were top notch. The more research he did, the more excited he grew, and all he dreamt about was their beautiful child. Everyone was caught up with the notion of Pepper and Tony conceiving, but no one ever thought about the chances of a miscarriage. Even Tony thought her pregnancy was a sure thing, a done deal, but a late night scream and a pool of blood in their bathroom told him he wasn’t prepared at all.

It was during the beginning of her third month.

“Pepper?” His eyes fluttered open and his hands searched for her next to him, but he found nothing. He heard crying and sobbing, and a horrified expression filled his face. “Pepper!?” He yelled, thinking someone kidnapped her or hurt her. His eyes focused on the bright light that came from the bathroom.

After another sob, he jumped out of bed and raced towards the light, yelling for her. He thought the worst, he thought she was hurt, but it was much worse than that.

He stared at the white tiled floor that was stained with blood, and Pepper sat in the middle of it. Her back was pressed against the wall but her head was hung over. He thought someone reached into his chest and yanked out his heart the moment she looked at him. Her eyes were red, tears were streaking down her cheeks and dripping off her chin.

Their child, the one they were so excited about, was gone, and nothing in the world could’ve prepared him for everything that followed.

They both went to the doctor and she explained everything to them. Miscarriages happen. They’re not uncommon, but she warned them that depression, grief, anxiety, mood swings, denial, and anger was all part of the process after miscarriage.

Tony was a mechanic, he was a thinker and an inventor, but the depression and the feeling like they lost their child was too much for him. He couldn’t prepare for depression, he couldn’t read up and prepare on how to deal with the pains of losing a child. He couldn’t fix it with his hands like he would with one of his suits, and those thoughts alone drove him away from Pepper.

Pepper dealt with the depression, the grief, and the anxiety herself, and she knew Tony was having a harder time than she was. She noticed he was more distant with her, almost as if he was avoiding her. She needed his comfort and she told him this many times, but each time, he’d have an excuse to go down to the lab, or go to some meeting. In truth, Tony was scared – he was too scared to deal with the grief. He was well aware that they could keep trying for a baby, but it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same.

Nat comforted Pepper through the tough time, and eventually Nat asked Rhodey to do that same for Tony.

Rhodey strolled through the lab one evening and pulled Tony aside, forcing him to go grab something to eat, because he knew eating was something Tony always had trouble with.

“How’s Pepper?” Rhodey asked as they walked down the streets of New York.

“She’s fine,” Tony rushed his answer, hoping he wouldn’t ask anymore.

“When was the last time you talked to her?”

“This morning.” Again, a rushed answer.

“Are you two going to try again?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

Tony was getting irritated. “Yes, I don’t know. What’s with all the questions, Rhodey? Why don’t you talk to her about all this stuff?”

Rhodey shot him a look. “Because I know you’ve been avoiding her, and this isn’t about _just_ her. It’s about the both of you.”

Tony shook his head in disbelief and tried to walk away, but Rhodey grabbed him by the shoulder. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Tony? Why do you keep thinking you’re the only one feeling like _this_?” Tony looked away and tried to hold back his feelings. “You’re not the only one, Tony, or have you forgotten about your _wife_ , Pepper? She’s suffering, too, and all you’re doing is moping, avoiding her, telling her that you have shit to do when _we all_ know that’s bull.”

Tony shoved Rhodey’s arm away.

“You’re hurting her, Tony. You’re driving yourself away from her.” He waited for Tony to answer, but no answer came. “You keep this up and she won’t be there anymore.”

“Don’t you think I know that!?” Tony yelled as a tear rolled down his cheek. “You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone, to be overjoyed with something so much and then to see it ripped from your hands – you have no _fucking_ clue how much it hurts.” Tony gave a fake laugh. “You want to know the truth?” All Rhodey could do was stare at his best friend and watch the tears fall. “I’m scared.” He shook his head. “I’m _terrified_.” He paused. “People keep telling us that we can try again, and I want to, but I’m so fucking scared it’s going to happen again. I’m scared that I’ll wake up one night, hear her screaming, and find her in another pool of blood, crying and sobbing as she keeps telling me she’s sorry.” He choked back a sob. “I don’t want to lose another one, Rhodey.”

Rhodey sympathized for him, because no one else in the world would’ve known that Tony Stark was capable of such feelings. He moved closer to his best friend and wrapped his arms around him. He hugged him tight as the genius crumbled in his arms and sobbed into his shoulder.

“I’m not the only person you should be telling this to.”

After a good long talk and something to eat, Tony went straight home to Pepper. He took the long way home to think some things over and prepare for the inevitable, because even he had anxiety over these types of things. He thought about what he was going to say and how he was going to say it, because Pepper, of all people, deserved every word he had.

He started out with an apology and then stated the facts. He knew it was wrong to avoid her, to keep her in the dark, and to hide his feelings from her. She listened, like she always did – she was always so good at listening. He confessed to her the same thing he confessed to Rhodey, how he was terrified of it happening again, and Pepper pulled him in for a hug.

She comforted him, telling him that it’ll be okay and that they’ll have each other if it happens again.

“Do you want to try again?” she asked.

“Of course I do, Pepper,” he replied, pulling his head away from her damp shoulder. He caused her so much pain and grief. He didn’t mean to. He shook his head and apologized again. “I’m so sorry, Pepper.” He hugged her tight. “I’m so sorry.”

Pepper wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.

“I love you, Pepper.”

Pepper closed her eyes and, for the first time in a long time, smiled. “I love you, too, Tony. I love you so much.”

A year and seven months later, Aiden James Stark and Maria Natasha Stark were born.


End file.
